I'm 17 and about 90% sure my mum has been reading my text messages. I'd rather not get into exactly why I suspect it, but I want to understand how she could be accessing them and what I can do to prevent it.
I've checked my Apple Account and it only shows my three known devices. My mum isn't very technical, probably doesn't know my phone passcode, and I haven't noticed any unfamiliar apps or additional Face ID entries. We're part of the same Apple family setup, share iCloud storage, and she manages my Telstra data plan. I'm not sure whether any of that could give her access to my messages.
Getting a new phone or separate SIM and plan isn't realistic for the next few years. Are there settings I should check to stop her seeing messages as they arrive, and could she be accessing them through our shared Apple services or mobile plan?
5 Answers
The safest long-term arrangement is your own Apple Account, your own passcode, and eventually a phone plan that you control. For now, avoid sharing your passcode, review your signed-in devices and trusted phone numbers, and ask a technically knowledgeable person you trust to go through the settings with you. If you believe monitoring is being used to control or threaten you, consider speaking with another trusted adult or a qualified support service.
A deliberately misleading text probably isn’t a reliable test and could create more trouble. It’s better to secure the account, disable previews, and work out whether your family is sharing an Apple Account rather than merely using Family Sharing.
Use Apple’s Safety Check to review who and what has access to your phone and account. You should also check Face ID & Passcode, remove any unfamiliar devices from your account, and make sure your passcode is private and difficult to guess. Turn off message previews on the Lock Screen under Settings > Notifications > Messages > Show Previews, since someone could read incoming texts without unlocking the phone. Screen Time and a mobile provider account can manage usage or restrictions, but they generally cannot show the contents of iMessages.
If the account and device checks look normal, don’t overlook simpler possibilities. Someone may be seeing notification previews, accessing your unlocked phone briefly, or receiving screenshots or forwarded messages from another person. Regular SMS and iMessages can also be shared by the recipients, so the information may not necessarily be coming directly from your iPhone. Spyware is possible in theory, but it’s much less likely if there are no unknown apps, devices, or changes to your security settings.
Start by confirming whether you’re using your own Apple Account as part of Family Sharing, or whether everyone is actually signed into the exact same Apple Account. Family Sharing and shared iCloud storage do not normally let family members read each other’s iMessages. However, if multiple people use one Apple Account, messages and other synced data can appear on their devices. Check Settings > Apple Account for every signed-in device, then look at Messages > Send & Receive to confirm that only your own phone number and email address are selected. Also enable two-factor authentication and change your Apple Account password if someone else may know it.
If you’re only sharing storage through Family Sharing, that by itself shouldn’t expose the contents of your messages. The important distinction is whether the Apple Account itself is shared.