I recently started a new job where most of the IT infrastructure and security team members are from India. They're knowledgeable, friendly, and great to work with, but I've noticed that they usually make only brief eye contact with me, even during presentations or technical discussions. A colleague who started around the same time is also Indian and seems to receive more direct eye contact. I'm the only white person on the team and was hired into a senior role. Could this be related to cultural norms, differences in seniority, personality, or communication style? I'm wondering whether I'm unintentionally doing something that makes people uncomfortable.
3 Answers
A lot of technical people—regardless of nationality—aren’t comfortable with sustained eye contact. Some people concentrate better while looking away, and prolonged staring can feel confrontational rather than respectful. Try focusing on whether they respond, participate, and follow the discussion instead of treating eye contact as the main signal of engagement.
It could be influenced by cultural expectations around eye contact, but there’s no single rule for everyone. Differences in seniority, personality, confidence, and familiarity may matter just as much. If the team is communicating well and the work is getting done, brief eye contact by itself probably isn’t a problem.
Your colleague may simply have a different relationship with the team, or may be closer to them in age, role, or experience. Cultural habits can play a part, but it’s risky to assume that’s the explanation. If it continues to bother you, you could ask someone you trust privately and neutrally whether your communication style comes across as intimidating or unusual.
That makes sense. I notice it most when we’re actively debating a technical idea, since I’m used to people looking up and engaging directly during that kind of conversation. I’ll pay more attention to the overall interaction rather than assuming limited eye contact means disrespect.