I live with my long-term partner and their family. We are all low-income, and our finances became much worse after my partner survived cancer and developed other serious health problems. I recently learned the basics of programming and completed a paid AI-focused internship, where I worked on models, an AI-enabled product, front-end tasks, and security testing. The internship ended as expected, and I have been job hunting for just over a month while also considering nontechnical work that can be done from home because of my epilepsy and back problems.
Instead of encouraging me, my partner and their family often act irritated or dismissive whenever I mention coding, work, education, or career plans. They tend to view time spent on a computer as unproductive, and nobody in the household is very comfortable with technology. I also have significant responsibilities at home, including caring for many animals connected to my partner's former rescue work, which makes moving out complicated and expensive.
I grew up poor and have experienced homelessness, so I am not looking down on anyone. I want to build a better life and eventually help everyone, but I feel as though I am being treated like a bad person for trying to improve our situation. My partner sometimes seems especially opposed to my plans. Has anyone dealt with family members who react negatively to their attempts to advance? How can I keep pursuing programming without constantly creating conflict?
5 Answers
The practical answer is to protect your time and make a concrete plan. Spend less time discussing your ambitions with people who only respond negatively, keep applying, document your work, and save whatever money you can. If the household is abusive or unsafe, prioritize your safety and look into local housing, disability, employment, or domestic-abuse resources. Moving out may take time because of your partner’s health and the animals, but having a long-term exit plan can still give you more control.
You have only been unemployed for a little over a month after a temporary internship, so this is not evidence that your plan has failed. Keep applying, but avoid relying entirely on automated applications; tailor your résumé, show specific projects, contact employers directly when appropriate, and use your internship accomplishments as concrete portfolio material. Your health restrictions make the search harder, not pointless. You are allowed to pursue a sustainable career without apologizing for it.
It is also worth separating the family’s behavior from the relationship itself. Your partner has been through cancer and ongoing medical problems, so fear about money, change, or being left behind may be part of their reaction. That can explain the behavior, but it does not excuse them putting down your goals. Try one direct conversation focused on boundaries: you need support or at least neutrality, and you will continue pursuing work that fits your health limitations. If they refuse to respect that, couples counseling or a serious reassessment of the relationship may be necessary.
Sometimes people who are struggling react defensively when someone close to them starts moving in a different direction. Your progress can remind them of opportunities or choices they feel they missed. That does not automatically mean they are consciously jealous, but it can still come out as criticism or hostility. You are not wrong for wanting a better career, especially since you have already demonstrated that you can do the work.
Some people genuinely do not understand what programming work involves. To them, sitting at a computer can look like gaming or avoiding a real job, especially if they have never worked with technology. You probably do not need to keep proving that coding is legitimate. A short explanation may help, but after that, let your portfolio, interviews, and eventual income speak for themselves.
That explanation fits what I am seeing. Nobody says they want to hold me back, but my partner in particular seems uncomfortable whenever I discuss career plans.