I joined an IT team a year ago and was supposed to get some guidance from my mentor, Senior Y. At first, we connected over being new parents, but things took a turn when I started to prove myself. He began sabotaging my work by providing bad advice, taking credit for my successes, and blocking my access to necessary tools. Despite other team members receiving this access, he claimed I wasn't 'ready' because of a previous mentee's mistake. Lately, I've been researching solutions for high-priority issues and sharing them with him, only for him to dismiss my contributions and claim them as his own. I'm feeling isolated and overwhelmed, especially as I just had my second child and can't afford to quit. I need to navigate this toxic environment for the next 6-12 months while still being a good parent. What's the best approach to deal with someone like this? Should I lay low, document everything, or stand up for myself?
7 Answers
Always document! Keep a daily log of what you do and any issues you face. If this guy asks you to do something, make a note of it. When he refuses you access, ask him again in writing to create a clear paper trail. It's super important to keep emotions out of it—stick to the facts and stay professional.
You can always politely express how you want to collaborate better. But remember, if he shuts you down or gaslights you, then that’s your cue—this guy isn’t worth the effort. Your safety and mental state matter more, so protect yourself and find opportunities elsewhere when you can.
Right! Just be tactical about how you handle the situations. It’s all about your own growth and future!
Honestly, it seems like it's a bit of a losing battle to confront this guy directly. I’d recommend keeping your head down for now, do what you can without stepping on his toes, and job hunt on the side. It’s tough, but prioritizing your peace of mind and family seems more important right now.
Why not just tell your colleagues that you can't access what you need to do your job? Document everything—every interaction, denial of access, problem you're facing. That's crucial. If you're trying to do work that requires tools you can't access, just let your team know why you're stuck.
Totally agree! Keeping a written log of your work interactions helps too. If you need to ask for something, email it so there's a record. Don't stress yourself out trying to solve problems without the right tools; that's just setting yourself up for frustration.
Exactly! Stay professional and focus on documenting. You can't be expected to resolve issues when you don't have access, so let them know—not like you're slacking off, just being realistic.
Definitely go the 'turtle' route. Just keep to yourself, take things slow, and focus on your family. I’m in a similar situation and I've found that laying low while planning my next steps is key. Use your newborn as an excuse to not engage too deeply and to set boundaries on work demands.
That's a great point! When things get tough, just prioritize your family. You can keep your head down for now and use the time to prepare for a better opportunity.
For sure! Just make sure you're still keeping track of what you do at work. It might save you later if things escalate.
You need to stop making his problems your problems. If he denies your access, bounce the tasks back to him and say you can't proceed without it. Don't keep going above and beyond without recognition; it's only draining you. Start looking toward the exit and keep conversations about team improvements SMART, but if that doesn't go anywhere, it's time to move on.
While documenting is crucial, consider offering to take training or certifications to boost your skills. Maybe suggest it in a way that it takes some stress off management—like it's a benefit for the organization. This way, it shows you're proactive and also builds your resume while you search for new roles.
Exactly! It’s so important to prioritize your well-being here. If the communication isn't productive, then focusing on documentation and planning an exit is the best move.